Goddess Freya’s Altar Ego
In the dark days before the invention of swiping left, Norse goddess Freya had to fend-off the advances of unwanted suitors the old-fashioned way: By having her all-powerful friend Thor steal her figurative thunder. On her wedding day. Wearing her dress. Read on for the full story of this epic match (un)making, and how it helped save the world of Asgard in the process.
One morning, Norse god Thor woke up to find his hammer (a pretty big deal to him) missing from the imperial bedside. Without it, the realm of Asgard was at the mercy of the giants, a notoriously wild and destructive bunch.
It happened that the well-accessorized Freya had a few spare falcon feathers on hand, which she lent to Loki, the brother of Thor. The falcon feathers allowed Loki to shape-shift into a falcon, and thereby fly off in search of the hammer. Loki suspected that hammer had been stolen by the giants, so he took wing to Jotunheim to have a word with their leader, Thrym. The ugly Thrym quickly owned-up to the snatching of the hammer, and was even amenable to giving it back, but he told Loki he wanted something in return: Freya as his bride.
Needless to say, the idea did not go over well back at Asgard. The gods convened to assess the situation, and Heimdall proposed a surprisingly progressive solution: Thor would dress-up as Freya and go to Jotunheim for the wedding, where he would naturally smite the thieves and take back his hammer in a blaze of glory. Despite his misgivings, with the fate of Asgard hanging in the balance, Thor had little option but to say yes to Freya’s dress.
Tricked out in all of Freya’s bridal finery, Thor hopped on his goat-drawn chariot to Jotunheim, with Loki disguised as a handmaiden in-tow. Thrym, pretty pleased with himself, welcomed his “bride” to be with a lavish feast. After a few double-takes and waves of initial doubt, Thrym proceeded with the ceremony, calling for the hammer to bless the union. When the hammer was laid upon Thor’s lap, he grabbed it by the handle and gave Thrym a well-deserved wallop. He then took a swing at each of the wedding guests for good measure, thereby defeating the giants and saving his kingdom from catastrophe.
After all the wedding drama, and an arduous day in full glam, Thor swiftly returned to Asgard…Where his regular godly sweatpants were waiting.
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